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My humorous thoughts about life.

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Saturday, December 29, 2012

Silly Sunday: Big Famous Rocks

Years ago, my sister, brother-in-law, Rhonda, and I left Boston and drove south for an hour to get a taste of our historical heritage by seeing the one and only Plymouth Rock. Once near the fabulous site, a foofaraw gathered around fancy smancy columns surrounding what must have been the greatest tourist attraction ever. Visiting Plymouth Rock was like the Peanuts Halloween special. After all of the excitement  and anticipation of trick-or-treating, Charlie Brown opened his bag and said, "I got a rock." I know how he felt. I don't know why I expected Plymouth Rock to be anything different from the million of other stones on the ground just because someone chiseled a year on it. Sorry, but my recommendation is to save your gasoline.

Here is a photo from some tourist site since a picture wasn't worth the film.

Years later, I was lucky enough to visit another famous rock, the Blarney Stone in Ireland. Legend says that if one kisses this giant rock, one will be given the gift of gab. As you know, I need that; however, I didn't kiss the Blarney stone. The night before heading to Cork, I overheard a conversation between a few locals in a pub. These youths laughed hysterically about how they and their young friends loved to visit the Blarney stone late at night. The stunt consisted of breaking onto the grounds, scaling the walls of the Castle, and pissing on the Blarney Stone before the puckering tourists arrived. You kissed it, didn't you? Ha! Now you have something to gab about.

Since visiting these two tourist attractions didn't work as planned, I've got to check out some more famous rocks. How about the Rosetta Stone? Maybe I could visit the Rock of Gibraltar? Who wants to go with me? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?


Thursday, December 27, 2012

#GBE2: Decisions

State Champions, 2004
I've made a lot of decisions ranging from life changing ideas to what kind of soup to order. Deciding on soups doesn't change lives, like other choices. For example, I skipped my senior year of high school and have wondered how my life would be different had I stuck around another year. Classmates told me our class bonded that last year and actually won a football game. Our high school team never won a game in the three years I was there.

Partners in Crime: Me (left), Rhonda (right)
Had I not gone to college a year early, I probably would not have met Rhonda at Laugh Quotes. She was my roommate and is still a great friend. Our sophomore year, she joined a sorority that didn't want me because I wore hiking boots to rush. Maybe if I'd stuck around high school to bond with the popular girls, I might have learned not to dress like a freak and have become Rhonda's sister.

I made another important decision as a college student. After changing my major each semester, I had an argument with a professor who said, "You're going to be a teacher."

"I am not." I stood face to face with him and snorted my independence.

"You're going to be a teacher," he said. "I know a teacher when I see one."

"I'm going to the school of Journalism to major in advertising."

"Go on, but you'll be back."

I ended up getting my degree in Speech Pathology/Audiology. Today, I'm a teacher.

Beale Street, Memphis, TN
Yes, I decided to become a teacher, which probably wouldn't have made a difference had I attended college a year later.  But, had I not graduated early, would I still have met my husband? I'm not sure. Although I met him after college, I might not have been settled enough a year later to have known where to go to meet someone like him. That means, I wouldn't be living in Memphis nor have three beautiful kids. (I could have had three ugly ones instead). When my husband purposed to me, he gave me a compound sentence, "Will you marry me and live in Memphis?"

If that ain't love, nothing is.

Now the big decision. Do I post this now or wait until after Christmas? 
I think I'll wait.


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: Oy vey . . . it's Christmas!





Christmas time used to mean a trip to the Chinese restaurant, but these days us Jews work the Christmas light display at Shelby Farms. 


Have a Merry Christmas. Ho! Ho! Ho!


Our best Christmas was a Feliz Navidad in Cancuun.



Saturday, December 22, 2012

Silly Sunday: Poon Bomb

My "adult" son had asked me to participate in a prank on his "friend." At one o'clock, I was supposed to repeatedly text him the word "poon" along with one-hundred more of his "adult" friends, including an army platoon. This action would annoy someone with a smart phone and freeze a dumb phone for twenty minutes or so. Daniel's victim has a smart android device, so he was just aggravated.

When I asked my son what a "poon" is, he told me it doesn't mean anything. Yeah, right. I looked up the word and it is a large Indo-Malayan  evergreen tree of the Calophyllum. Sounds innocent enough in a normal dictionary; however, that's not where one looks to find out what a young person's word means. The true definition––which is rude, crude, and socially unacceptable, may be found in the Urban Dictionary. Since I'm not young, I promptly refused the offer to harass his buddy. Reaching the age of adulthood does not make one an adult.

2nd place in a poon attack DWL? Your poon powers are fading...
My daughter was the proud winner of the poon attack. She sent 34 messages to poor Andrew. Who? That's right. She doesn't even know him.

  • E  Beaten by his little sister. How embarrassing!
  • A   You were in the poon attack? I guess the poon apple doesnt fall far from the poon tree.
  • E Yup and I kicked his butt!
  • D DAYUM


Thursday, December 20, 2012

GBE2 Meets Theme Thursday: Writing About Faith on a Humor Blog

With tragedy surrounding us this past week, two of my blogging groups have asked us to post about faith or to just follow our hearts in blogging. This is tough because my writing lends itself to humor.

Faith means complete trust or confidence in something. I have faith in a lot of things. I know that when visiting the dog park, my furry friends will jump into the muddy lake and come out disgustingly dirty. I will get a nose bleed from my left nostril at least once a week in the winter time, and even got one this morning; however, the doc has faith that it's just dryness. When dining at a nice restaurant, the salad dressing will drip on my blouse. Most importantly, faith means that one day I will be a thin, even though I will faithfully put on a pound or two this month. I've given my kids specific instructions. If I'm ever on life support, they have promised not to pull the plug until I'm a size six. I have faith that they'll follow my wishes.
Bear's Arm

I know. I know. That's not the kind of faith Mrsupole or Beth were referring to. You both wanted an in depth––spill my guts kind of post about the horrible tragedy in Connecticut. The problem is, when faced with such an unspeakable tragedy, I cannot speak. What does one say about innocent children being slaughtered by a crazy twenty-year-old? 

Should I get political about the issues of gun control and how we should ban assault weapons? I agree. There's no reason anyone needs a gun that shoots rapid fire without the need to reload. Our founding fathers could not have imagined this type of weapon when writing the second amendment, giving folks the right to bear arms. People also discuss getting more help for the mentally ill. Once again, I agree and will further add that we should tax the one percent to pay for it.

I also agree that no child should be fearful of going to school. This tough situation needs answers, and perhaps my group leaders would be satisfied to read my post about how I shed tears when I read the grandfatherly neighbor's account of the tragedy; but personally, I'd rather deal with having faith that when getting dressed tomorrow, I will find a pair of socks that doesn't have a hole in them. That is less painful.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: Running Through the Lights

Saturday night, we ran a 4K through the Starry Nights exhibit at Shelby Farms with 1,600 of our friends. I tried to take pictures of the beautiful light exhibits, but since it was a race, I couldn't stop running while snapping. Because I'm such a fast runner, the photos are blurry; but, enjoy them none-the-less.

The Start: See how the sign reads "Starry Nights?"




We ran through a beautiful tunnel!




This is a music exhibit. See the "Beetles?"




We ran through another light tunnel.



We saw stars hanging from trees.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Theme Thursday: Red Ribbon Week & Worcester Sauce


Although October has passed, Theme Thursday's weekly topic is "Ribbon," and I am reminded of the constant fight against drugs during Red Ribbon week and the rest of the year. An ongoing anti-drug program in the schools teaches grade schoolers not to do drugs. This educational program is highlighted by Red Ribbon Week where students and teachers proclaim themselves to be drug free through wearing red, painting their faces red, or launching red balloons.

Anti-drug education had been so strong in my daughter's school that, years ago, she had a fit when I put a bottle of Worchester sauce in my basket at the grocery story. Since the kids were taught that alcohol was a drug, as soon as I picked up the Lea Perrins, Erica screamed––at a store awakening level mind you, "Drugs! You have drugs!"

I tried in vain to explain that Worcester sauce does not constitute drugs. Even if the bottle had contained alcohol, I was, and am, certainly old enough to drink it. I couldn't convince Erica that is was okay for me to buy Worcester sauce no matter what I said.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: Let's Bounce

After the kids left the four year old's birthday party, the real fun began. Ever see old people jump on a moon bounce in the rain?





Saturday, December 8, 2012

Silly Sunday: Washington State

In the state of Washington, gay marriage and marijuana are both legal. Finally, people can follow the bible as it was written.


Leviticus: Those who lie with mankind as 
they would with womankind should be stoned.



We've been interpreting this all wrong!



Thursday, December 6, 2012

#GBE2: Bedtime Story

Okay kiddies, get comfortable because to satisfy this week's GBE2 challenge, I'm going to tell you a bedtime story about a brat named Goldilocks.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************

I made a special batch of porridge, or as most of you call it, oatmeal. With a picky eater like Baby Bear, I added a few drops of Tabasco Sauce to spice things up. It tasted good, but Papa said, "This porridge is too hot," and he stormed out the door.

He can be a bear when things don't go his way. Naturally, Baby Bear and I followed and the next thing you know, we're taking a stroll through the forest. Finally, I convinced Papa to try the oatmeal again by promising to water it down with apple juice. Things would have been fine except when we got home, a bratty girl had broken into our house and messed with our stuff!

Goldilocks. She put her slobber on our breakfast and ate all of Baby Bear's food. At least someone likes Tabasco Sauce on oatmeal.

We headed past the breakfast table only to discover that the same twirp had broken Baby Bear's favorite chair, a wooden rocker that used to be a family heirloom; now, it's firewood.

To top things off, we found Goldilocks drooling lumps of porridge onto the kid's pillow. Can you believe she had the nerve to crawl into Baby's bed and throw up?

When Papa saw her asleep in Baby Bear's bed, he was ticked. He roared his most powerful roar, woke her up, and ate her.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: The Suit

Mitchell's Bar Mitzvah suit, April, 1972.
Don't you wish you could look snazzy?



Sunday, December 2, 2012

"And You Are. . . ?" Blog Hop


I'm participating in the "And You Are...?" Blog Hop on Emily R. King's site. You may join the "And You Are . . .?" Blog Hop by clicking the link (or David Spade's picture) and answering the questions below. So hop on by, link up, and be eligible for prizes.

1. How many speeding tickets have you gotten?

I'm married to a lawyer; so if I happen to get a ticket, someone knows how to fight them. I've had a few, but I don't have any points.

2. Can you pitch a tent?

Absolutely! I spent a lot of summers camping in the Colorado Rockies. We also used to go camping as a family. I even made tents by tossing blankets over chairs as a kid. When it comes to tent pitching, I'm a pro. . .  that is as long as my husband helps me.

3. What was your worst vacation ever?

We never had a totally horrible vacation, but we did have some bad situations within great vacations. Like the time both Daniel and Judy threw up on Erica in the backseat of a rental car.

4. What was the last thing you bought over $100?

We bought a Volt, which costs a little more than one-hundred dollars, but we have yet to spend a penny on gasoline.

5. We're handing you the keys to what?

I'll take the keys to health, happiness, and a good life.

6. What was the last meal you cooked that made even you sick?

My meals don't make people sick.

7. Fill in the blank: Oh my gosh! Becky, look at her butt! It is so big. She looks like  ____?

she needs a stair master for Christmas. Please, Santa. Help her out because I'm sure she's a good person who just has a problem with her butt. Nice enough for the good list?

8. What was your first car?

Technically my first car was a Chevy Chevette, but in reality I drove a rental car because the Chevette never worked. Once while driving a rental car, I got caught in a vicious hale storm. Giant ice rocks made the rental car look like it had chicken pocks. Having the car in the shop all the time had a plus that day.

9. Your best friend falls and gets hurt. Do you ask if he/she's okay or laugh first?

Ask if she is okay, of course.

10. What's the worst song ever?

There is nothing worse than "I Know a Song That Gets on Everybody's Nerves." You may listen to it, but I guarantee it won't be for long.


Saturday, December 1, 2012

Silly Sunday: Dinner

My daughter received a text message asking her to eat out. Please read her response.



Friday, November 30, 2012

#GBE2: One Syllable Challenge

Beth gave us a job to write with short words. I could do this but yawn. I like short and long words, not just these. This needs to be worth a read as well as a skill. The joy of a good read is to choose the best words. When all of these have to be short, one can't read great work. This prompt has made me write a drab post.

Just face it, this post is . . .

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

It means "something to say when you have nothing to say." That fits.

 


Thursday, November 29, 2012

Theme Thursday: Whispers

When it comes to scents, there are those that whisper while others shout––and there are even shouts that come in whispers. If you're tilting your head and wrinkling your brow trying to determine how a shouting scent whispers, let me clarify. A person, who I will not name to save public humiliation, has taken to whispering, "I farted" whenever he passes gas in my presence. Embarrass him? Probably not because some folks of the male species take pride in the bad ones.

Since this post is called "Whispers", not shouts, let me mention a wonderful whispering scent. My daughter sells BeautiControl, and I love the fragrance in the air after she demonstrates her products. The Dark Brown Sugar holiday scent is amazing!

When the family got together for Thanksgiving, Judy gave her aunts and me a special spa session, complete with the Tight Firm and Fill Instant Face Lift cream. I wish I'd taken a picture of my wrinkle-faced sister before and after. With one treatment, her frown lines practically disappeared. I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes. As a result, I bought some BeautiControl.

It's almost December, so please visit Judy's website for your holiday shopping. You've got to buy gifts anyway, so you might as well get them from a 22 year-old who's trying to save money to visit her long distance boyfriend. Pleeeeease. She'll be miserable if she doesn't make enough money for a plane ticket.

You may order from Judy by visiting her website at www.beautipage.com/judylansky.  Anyone who makes a purchase from Judy ROCKS!



Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: Breast Fed Baby

"Ba Ba." Someone is hungry.




Saturday, November 24, 2012

Silly Sunday: Five Seconds of Fun

My niece's goofy husband brought a fun, free app to our Thanksgiving week-end and here are the results. No one was safe around Josh and everyone else who went for the download.


Taking a nap had it's consequences.



Sitting at a Thanksgiving dinner table can also be dangerous.



I wasn't even safe visiting with my family.


In case you're wondering, the app is called "Action Movie" and is available for free at the Apple App store.



Thursday, November 22, 2012

Theme Thursday: Togetherness with Glasses

 

Here it is another year of Thanksgiving family togetherness and stories of do you remember when? Being the youngest in my family, it’s quite possible that there are more stories about me than anyone else. It’s not that I caused the most mischief, but rather, there were more sibs around to catch me at it. Not to mention that someone was always ready to set up the gullible little sister to carry out evil plans.

I grew up in a small St. Louis neighborhood with Leonard Slatkin, the famous symphony conductor, right next door. When his face appeared on the cover of our new phone book, he-who-must-not-be-named sent me on a mission to get Mr. Slatkin’s autograph. How was I  to know the great conductor would open his door with only a towel around his waist? Furthermore, I was too young to realize how gauche it was to ask him for his autograph in that situation. Being a good sport, Mr. Slatkin autographed my phone book and off I went only to be reminded of my faux pas at Thanksgiving get togethers forty years later.

I didn’t need eyeglasses to see the obvious during my childhood. Each member of my family wore a pair of specs while I enjoyed perfect vision. Not anymore. I blame it on childbirth because that’s when my vision went south. This Thanksgiving when my sister brings her new boyfriend to the family meal, I need either glasses or contacts to inspect him clearly. It's even better to find cheap eyeglasses that can be ordered here.

If you’re one of those people, like me, who needs a pair of glasses to see your family for the holidays, you’re in luck. GlassesUSA.com offers high quality optical products at affordable prices and in the fastest time span possible – all across the world. Their lenses not only exceed FDA requirements but they pass their “5-stripe” process prior to shipment. GlassesUSA offer a variety of shipping methods that best suits your needs. Please visit the premier place to buy prescription eyeglasses online.

 Besides their high quality frames and lenses, they offer a 110% lowest price guarantee and a 100% satisfaction guarantee along with a generous refer-a-friend program. Additionally, you can stay up-to-date on all GlassesUSA happenings through their Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/glassesusa) and their Twitter feed (@GlassesUSA).  
Good looking stranger in glasses. :)

Now for the best news of all. Readers of this blog may receive a discount for the purchase of eyeglasses. STOREWIDE OFFER - Take 15% off your entire order amount + FREE shipping (orders over $50). Code: FS15

Take 10% off any order of prescription glasses. Code: Blog10

And feel free to check out their Sales & Coupons page for any additional up-to-date deals!

Here is a fun way to try on glasses before buying. 
Virtual Mirror Feature



Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: It's Electric

We've traveled over 1,080 miles
 and have paid NOTHING for gas.  








Saturday, November 17, 2012

Silly Sunday: Remembering Uncle Bernard

Elvis with Uncle Bernard

This week brought the passing of my husband's uncle, who not only was the clothier of the king, but also funny enough to be memorialized on a silly Sunday. Uncle Bernard marched to the beat of his own band as he put on his relaxed accent. He could speak to the homeless man on the street or Katie Couric with equal comfort.

Bernard Lansky, a master sales person, once called his son and told him to come to the store because he'd just sold the son's car. In a New York restaurant, Bernard didn't see anything he liked on the menu, so he asked the waiter for a peanut butter sandwich. The waiter said, "We don't have any peanut butter."

In which Bernard replied, "Run down to the 7-Eleven and get some."

With mouth dropping the waiter said, "I could get fired.

Bernard pulled out a huge wad of cash, gave it to the waiter, and said, "You now work for me."

"Smooth or crunchy?" the waiter said.



Bernard Lansky will be missed!



Thursday, November 15, 2012

Book Launch: Small Portions



Today marks the book launch of Small Portions by Dieter Moitzi. “Small Portions” is a story that comes in… small portions. In precisely 111 little parts – AND a recipe. To explore the many facets of modern life, the author has chosen the literary form of vignettes, those short impressionistic scenes that focus on one moment or give a trenchant impression about a character, idea, setting, object.

Dieter Moitzi tells his own story in poignant scenes that vary from a snapshot of his christening in the early 70s to his father’s death in a skiing accident at the beginning of the 2000s. It’s small things he talks about, those many small things that compose a life – his life. He recalls the painful process of coming out of the closet, relates in funny detail the first encounters and love stories of his happy-go-lucky twenties, delves with analytical distance into aspects and turning points of two long-time relationships. He takes you by the hand and guides you through the streets of Paris, the city he lives in. He writes about food and the internet and his travel experiences in Greece, Morocco, Vienna, Tunisia, London…

In just so many carefully chosen words, sometimes poetic, sometimes blunt, but always with a good deal of wry and self-deprecating humour, the author succeeds in creating little universes with each story. Each one stands alone, yet when you link them together, another story takes shape. The story of a life, the sketch of a person, the mirror of a time. Our time.

You can purchase the book on amazon.com –http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009ZTSJOQ  – and on your local amazon-online-store (e.g. amazon.co.uk, amazon.fr, amazon.de…) The Book Launch Promotional price is only for only $0.99 (price exluding tax) until the end of the year. The book is also available in a French version (“Petites portions” – http://www.amazon.fr/Petites-portions-ebook/dp/B00A08G48O/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1351933352&sr=8-6) and a German version (“Kleine Portionen” –http://www.amazon.de/Kleine-Portionen-ebook/dp/B009ZTSLJY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1351933449&sr=8-2)  for €0.99 (price excluding tax).
 
I met Dieter Moitzi in the Blogesphere, where he has been a frequent visitor to my blog.  Born in 1972 in Austria, Dieter Moitzi moved to Paris, France, in the early 1990s. He is working as a graphic designer and writing in his spare time, mainly in English. He loves to share his passion for words, which is the reason why he has launched a literature blog in 2010. Ever since, he has published a collection of poems (“and somewhere under”) as well as a collection of short stories (“Miss Otis regrets”), both available on amazon. Moreover, his poetry has been published in the “Vine Leaves Literary Journal” in 2012. He is currently working on two novels that he hopes to publish in 2013. Congrats to Dieter on his new book! You may visit him at http://dietermoitzi.blogspot.com/



Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: Objective Met









It was hard to think of these frames as being 
 complete when we bought them back in 1993.